Despite some complaints about it being too dark, fans can agree that Sunday night’s episode of Game of Thrones was quite epic.
Thankfully, Jonathan Van Ness was able to capture that epic-ness in this week’s Gay of Thrones recap, largely thanks to his guest, Gabrielle Union.
In the latest episode, appropriately titled The Dong Night, the Queer Eye star summoned his usual sassy candor to retell all that went down in the grim, dim Battle of Winterfell. Some particularly memorable moments include the hairstylist’s description of Evil Red Riding Hood’s (Melisandre, Carice van Houten) kinky fire play and the White Twerkers’ abush.
But the MVP of the recap might have to go to the Being Mary Jane actress, who not only kept up with Van Ness throughout, but served up reenactments of The Color Purple and an actual cheer from Bring It On. Like Ice Pence (the Night King), Gabby was not here to f**k around.
To kick off the recap, both Union and Van Ness agreed that the best way to describe the battle was through “Martina Hingis’ storied tennis career.” As Van Ness explained, the battle started off great; much like when Hingis won the Australian Open in 1997. But, as Union noted, things soon took a turn for the worse; like when Hingis screwed up at the French Open and got booed off the court.
The two continued to go back and forth with this metaphor until they got to Little Kill Bill’s (Arya Stark, Maisie Williams) misadventures in the library — or, as Van Ness calls it, the “Jurassic Park kitchen” — which she escapes by “Marie Kondo-ing the entire library” by throwing a book.
Other highlights included the duo launching into an epic “Burr, It’s Cold In Here, There Must be Some *Dragons* in the Atmosphere” cheer and Van Ness comparing Ice Pence’s sassy “I’m still here, bish” look to his own signature red carpet pose.
It was all very fun and lighthearted — until Van Ness took a moment to get serious and honor those we lost in the episode…
R.I.P. Sir Carlysle, Phil Collins, Brazilian Crow Out, Little Miss No Sunshine, Matthew McCrowahuy, Tom No Thanks, Kinkerbell, Chris From HR, Jennifer Love Handles, and, of course, Greasy Jennifer. You fought well. You died well.
Ch-ch-check out the latest Gay of Thrones episode (below) to hear Van Ness and Gabby’s full recap!
[Image via Funny Or Die]
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